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THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
1. COWS
2. THE CONSTITUTION
3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our
government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she
sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wondering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow!!

THE CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours?It was written by alot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore!

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real Reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse.....you cannot post "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL", "THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY", and "THOU SHALT NOT LIE" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment

Gives ya something to think about huh????

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin

731 Hart Senate Office Building

Phone (202) 224 3254

Washington DC , 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I
am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of
Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming
an
illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen
to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate
and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for
five
years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine
and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal
when I
see
one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone
figures it
out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes
in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply
to
be
illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me
and my
family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency
room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums
for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost
$10,000 a
year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would
receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as
well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the
United
States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of
renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have
college age
children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I
would be
most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service
1-800-289-1040.






I don't know about anyone else but this seems to be one hell of a deal!!!! I wanna become an illegal alien as well.



We as Americans fight for our country and it's everyone else who is not a born and raised citizen that gets the luxuries of living in our country!!!! So who is benefiting more??? Just doesn't seem right!!!!

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown


2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown


3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a
support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they
meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey


4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy


5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
infant's life without even considering if there is a man on
base."
--Dave Barry


6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay, the day before they leave
you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger




7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in
the lake and threw her off the boat I said, "Mom, they weren't
trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone


8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women h ave better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
"Duh."
--Conan O'Brien


9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating
a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery


10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New
York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just
isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni


11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson


12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez


13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty
and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld


14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of
fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest
to tallest What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn
slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson


15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the
same."
--Oscar Wilde


16 ) "Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of
Congress... But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain


17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown


18) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal


19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry




20) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease"
was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased

I love this comeback....
One of my sons serves in the military. He is still
stateside, here in California . He called me yesterday to let me know
how
warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he
goes,
telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being
willing
to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that
others may
have them also.
But he also told me about an incident in the grocery
store
he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that
ahead
of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.
He said when she got to the cashier she loudly
remarked
about the U.S. flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock. The
cashier
reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly," Yes, I always wear
it
and probably always will."
The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when
she
was going to stop bombing her countrymen, &nbs p; explaining that she
was
Iraqi. A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting
his arm
around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm
and
gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:
"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like
this
young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY
country
and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen. It is my
belief
that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we wouldn't need
to
be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so
loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back
to
Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are
obviously here in MY country to avoid."
Everyone within hearing distance cheered!

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given

their new wives duties…



The first man had married a woman from Florida. He had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.


The second man had married a woman from Georgia. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.


The third man had married a girl from South Carolina. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.


Hell yeah!!!!! :)

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, FORGET about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be
WORTH IT!!!!

These are words I have vowed to repeat daily. And they really make sense if you think about what they say.

This may sound a little weird .
However I would rather have enemies that are honest than friends that are not .
Because if a friend is dishonest then they are more dangerous than a known enemy could ever be.

Now that may or may not make sense to you .
Trust me it is the truth .
A friend that lies is worse than anything .
I cant and never will be able to tolerate a liar .

I just can not understand people who can lie to someone they claim they care about .
It is just not in me to do that to people.
As you may know I can be a bitch.
However I am an honest bitch.

I would never lie to a friend or anyone I care about .
It is a horrible thing to do to someone.
I am a lot of things …but a liar is not one of them.

I have recently discovered that I have a friend who is not an honest person.
Not only am I disappointed in this person I am down right angry .
However the way I see it, is they will get what's coming to them soon enough .
I will not lower myself to get even.


Because that person is a liar and not worth my damn time.
Anyway thanks for reading I know this was a bit of a long one.

So, welcome back to my blog!!!. Aside from loading faster, use of this page will increase your intelligence, raise your GPA, make your garden more bountiful, cause cellulite to vanish, increase the shelf life of your yogurt, cut hours off your daily commute, allow your daughter to realize what a loser her current boyfriend really is, improve your chances of winning a $30 million Powerball Lotto, shed those unwanted pounds, clear up your complexion, receive illegal pay per view channels, stop your hairline from receding, keep your lettuce crisp and make you the envy of all your neighbors. (seriously, try it!)

Trust me.

Other than that, I haven't changed at all. Yes, my inner child still needs to be slapped upside da head in order for me to become a useful member of society. Of course I'm a little suspicious of any society that would want to have me as a member. As I'm sure many of you would agree!



So my friends, keep smiling and know that someone loves you. I don't know who! Do i look like a phsycic? Think not!

You're traveling down a barely paved, questionably maintained, road.



You gotta be wondering what wrong turn on the information superhighway brought you to this weird and worthless blog? Well, that's what you get for being one of my friends.





Weird & worthless.....that rings a bell....oh yeah, teacher's comments on my report cards.

So why waste any more of your time here? Aside from the fact that you're hopelessly addicted to the shallowness of the net, you could be watching "Springer." Tough call.

A word of warning here. This page is the literary equivalent of a run on sentence. Kind of a cyber non sequitir.

Still here? GREAT! You're my kinda people. You're also easily amused & led. Excellent candidates for becoming future cult or militia members.


The redeeming quality of all of the above is that, in this post literate age, many folks have already bailed. "You mean it's just WORDS?" Complete sentences often intimidate them and they feel depressed that they didn't see "LOLOLOL" or "Hehehe" 10 or 20 times in the first paragraph. So enjoy the solitude knowing that you're one of the few, the proud, the Marines...hold it...you are NOT a Marine. Never mind.



So, if you have something you would like to complain about or praise me on...please leave me a comment. If it's good, I'll acknowledge it....if you have a gripe, I'll probably never read it....so be nice!!!!




No animals were harmed in the creation of this blog. But that was only by pure luck. Personally, they can test on animals any time they want if the only other alternative is testing on ME.