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1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically
under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of
toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor.
Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A MAN WITH A SMALL PENIS



* "I've smoked fatter joints than that."
* "Ahh, it's cute."
* "I'm sorry."
* "Who circumcised you?"
* "Why don't we just cuddle?"
* "You know they have surgery to fix that."
* "It's more fun to look at."
* "Make it dance."
* "You know... there's a tower in Italy like that."
* "Wow, and your feet are so big."
* "My last boyfriend was 4" bigger."
* "It's OK, we'll work around it."
* "Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?"
* "Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh."
* (giggle and point)
* "Can I be honest with you?"
* "My 8-year-old brother has one like that."
* "Let me go get my tweezers."
* "How sweet, you brought incense."
* "This explains your car."
* "Maybe if we water it, it'll grow."
* "Thanks, I needed a toothpick."
* "Are you one of those pygmies?"
* "Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?"
* "All right, a treasure hunt!"
* "I didn't know they came that small."
* "Why is God punishing you (or ME for that matter)?"
* "At least this won't take long."
* "Let's just stick with your hand."
* "Do you need a splint to prop that up."
* "How interesting..."
* "I never saw one like that before."
* "But it still works right?"
* "Do you take steroids?"
* "I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick."
* "Maybe it looks better in natural light."
* "I think there's a dildo around here somewhere."
* "Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?"
* "Let me know when you're done."
* "Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident."
* "Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?"
* "Aww, it's hiding."
* "Are you cold?"
* "Is that an optical illusion?"
* "What is that?"
* "Does this run in your family?"
* "I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry."
* "Were you neutered?"
* "It's a good thing you have so many other talents."
* "Does it come with an air pump?"
* "So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality."
* "Where are the puppet strings?"
* "Deep throat? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!"
* "Your big gun is more like a BB gun."
* "Can you get this pencil out of me now?"
* "Do I hang my hat on it?"
* "Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!"
* "Don't hold back."
* "Nevermind, why bother?"

Words Women Use:

1.) »Fine: This is the word use to
end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.

2.) »Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed,
this means half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you
have just been given five more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the
house.

3.) »Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.
This means something and you should be on
your toes. Arguments that begin with
Nothing usually end in Fine. (Refer back to
#1 for the meaning of Fine.)

4.) »Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.
Don't do it!

5.) »Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a
nonverbal statement often misunderstood
by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you
are an idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3
for the meaning of Nothing.)

6.) »That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous
statements ; a women can make to a man.
That's okay means she wants to think long
and hard before deciding how and when you
will pay for your mistake.

7.) »Thanks: A woman is thanking you --
do not question, or faint.
Just say you're welcome.

8.) »Whatever: Is a women's way of saying
F @ # K YOU!

9.) »Don't worry about it, I got it. .
Another dangerous statement, meaning this
is something that a woman has told the
man to do several times, but is now doing it
herself. This will later result in a man
asking "what's wrong", for the woman's;
response to be nothing. (Refer back to # 3
for the meaning of Nothing.)

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh. . . 'cause they know it's true