I tried to quit cold turkey (oh, but if the problem were merely cold turkey). I traded my sweets for dried fruit, organic jelly, and other foods that pain me to mention. A week later I was sitting Indian-style on the linoleum, philosophizing: What is sugar anyway? Doesn't everything, even broccoli, turn to sugar in the end?
Armed with this logic, I entered the store with different rules. If a package read "Healthy Donuts," it was okay to bring home. They didn't even have to explain. So were any foods that were fat-reduced, vitamin-fortified, or new-and-improved. Before long I was back to pumpkin pie on the basis that pumpkins grow out of the ground, long live creative thinking.
"You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"
"All right! Health food!"
Desperate, I chose to indulge my obsession and eat as many sweets as I could -- more than I could. I needed to find the bottom. Sixty-five Hershey Kisses later, I found the bottom of my toilet, heaving like Linda Blair. After I flushed, there was but one thing on my mind: chocolate. So it goes.
My internist says that I'm headed for diabetes.
"It's only a matter of time," he said, checking his watch as if he meant hours.
"I want a second opinion," I said.
"Okay," he replied, "but I charge double for that."
Evidently, the cravings are all in my head, but hello, isn't that where I live? My shrink said that she will add this issue to my scroll and that we would get to it shortly before time travel.
I can't care anymore. I would rather be a happy day-glo marker than some scratchy ballpoint. If God wanted me to be thin, sugar wouldn't taste so good. It's nature to obsess. Right now some scientist is recording it formally in his lab: The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later.
The internist says my stomach will rot, the shrink says my mind will rot, and my mom still calls me sweetie. I can't hear any of them over my chewing. Besides, they don't understand the blood-bending bliss of eating your 64th Hershey Kiss, sick but not sick enough. Never sick enough. bittersweet where's them kisses I been wanting ???.lol I said there was a part of me had a crack on my profile lol....
ENTHUSIASTIC * OPTIMISTIC
EXUBERANT
NOVEMBER 23 TO DECEMBER 21
SAGITTARIUS PERSONALITY: "PLAY WITH ME"
SAGITTARIUS HAS A FUNNY LOOKING SYMBOL, HALF HORSE AND HALF MAN. IT RESEMBLES A MAN TRYING TO RISE ABOVE HIS LOWER NATURE. IMAGINE HOW HARD A FIGURE LIKE THAT WOULD BE TO KEEP A BALANCE. WELL GOES WITHOUT SAYING SAGITTARIUS ARE CLUMSY.
THEY'LL ALWAYS STICK A FOOT IN THEIR MOUTH. "OH I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE GETTING FAT" THEY'LL SAY "ACTUALLY THE EXTRA WEIGHT LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, YOU ARE BUILD FOR IT."
NOT MUCH OF AN APOLOGY, BUT GIVE THE SAGITTARIUS A BREAK, THEY CAN'T HELP THAT THEY ARE BRUTALLY HONEST. THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP.
THEY DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU, THEY JUST TELL IT LIKE IT IS, SOME CALL IT TACTLESS.
THEY BOAST A LOT AND LIKE TO EXAGGERATE, TAKE WHAT THEY SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT AND GET THEM TALKING ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS.
PHILOSOPHY AND RELIGION MIGHT BE GREAT SUBJECTS. THEY ARE WISE AND WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO LISTEN FOR HOURS.
THE SAGITTARIUS FRIEND
THEY LOVE TO HAVE A BALL AND DON'T MIND PICKING UP THE TAB.
HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE THEM ?
THEY ARE ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR NEW HORIZONS. MAKE FRIENDS ANYWHERE THEY GO, FROM THE OFFICE TO THE FAST-FOOD JOINT.
IF YOU CAN KEEP UP THEY ARE A BLAST TO BE AROUND. THEY'LL DRAG YOU DO THE NEWEST DANCE CLUB AND THE HOTTEST CONCERT IN TOWN AND PLAN A TRIP TO NEW YORK OVER SHOTS OF TEQUILA. THEY'LL BELCH AND FART AND THINK IT'S FUNNY. WELL ADMIT IT, IT WAS FUNNY WHEN HIS SPOUSE TURNED BLOODY RED.
THE SAGITTARIUS LOVER
STRAIGHT UP, NO SAGITTARIUS WILL PUT UP WITH ANY TYPE OF RESTRICTION ON PERSONAL FREEDOM. TRY TO PIN ONE DOWN, WATCH THEM RUN TO NEVERLAND. THEY ARE TERRIFIED OF RESPONSIBILITY, DON'T WANT TO COMMIT, AND MARRIAGE ISN'T ON THEIR PREFERENCE LIST.
YOU STILL WANT A SAGITTARIUS ? GET READY FOR A WILD RIDE, THEY WANT SOMEONE SMART AND ON THE GO LIKE THEMSELVES. SOMEONE THAT'S A TRAVEL COMPANION AS WELL AS A LOVER. THEY LOVE ADVENTURE, FLIRT AND SOMETIMES THEY CHEAT. WHEN THEY DO THEIR HONEST NATURE TAKES OVER, AND THEY'LL LET YOU KNOW ABOUT IT. THAT HURTS.
THE ZODIAC
BACK HOME...
Favorites
Digg
Del.icio.us
Facebook
Furl
Magnolia
StumbleUpon
Google
Yahoo MyWeb
Please wait...
